Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Have multiple jobs! That’s how I do it!

Now I am worth a lot! I earn the salary I deserve and it will end this week. Partially though! Oh well, I put the extra cash in savings though.

One of my jobs is coming to the bitter end this week. I can’t complain because I needed a break from driving further east of the city to teach. Who knew that I am a half decent professor? Yes PROFESSOR! That’s what my contract says and gosh! All that education and years of abuse at jobs I can’t stand paid off for something. Titles and more titles. I will talk about teaching more the end of this week.

For now, I am looking back at 2012 and I can say one thing… Time sure flies when you are busy.

Yes, I wanted to be busy because I like being busy. It gives me something to do with my life. I am happy being an educator. I am thinking that maybe that is my career change. I need to be careful in deciding. Obviously I didn’t want to do Master’s degree in Computer Science, because I can’t see my self earning that degree but for the title that it brings. I had my application ready and I just needed one thing to send in August of this year. I just didn’t when I was told to be a professor instead during the day. (My boss was shocked, but I don’t care about leaving work for a couple hours twice a week! Since when did I give a crap about her opinion?) My life got sucked out of me in my programming profession and I needed a breather during the day. I used to enjoy being a programmer, but I don’t anymore. I am just going to a job cause I have to earn money and that’s it.

I wonder what else I can say about 2012. Maybe a peculiar year? We will see.

My song choice for today is a hit from way back when I was in grade 9 or 10! I love the 90′s!

A pin drop. Noise I can’t stand.

I am a very quiet person and I have hard time trusting people. I don’t engage in social gatherings and I am fearful of confined places. Most people think I am selfish and full of my self.

All negative traits that I have no problem addressing. I am not fearful anymore of other’s opinions. I used to care long ago. Now, I am different.

I closed my blog for a few months a year or less ago because I wanted to be different. I wanted to be something I am not. I didn’t have a purpose for change other than just telling others I changed. What I realized, I didn’t change. I had no reason to think I needed the change. Who am I satisfying with such a change? Me or everyone else?

Others label me as selfish and full of my self. It has to do with being quiet and reserved. Don’t ask me and I don’t ask you. That is my philosophy in life. You want to share, then great. I think twice before opening my mouth.

It has to do with the lack of trust. I have been hurt far too many time in my life, and I am more fearful of that then anything else in life. I am afraid of rejection as well.

Why blog then?

Simple question. Yet, I can’t think of simple words to such a question to satisfy the complexity of my answer. I am thinking of utter resentment. My purpose in life. Fear of the unknown. Writing what is in my head for anyone to read. Maybe I just want to say something. It could be anything. I have to because many thoughts are in my head that I have to write them out. If no one but me reads them, then why write?

I have no idea why I have to justify my writing, and I don’t understand why being honest is wrong. Why my honesty portrays me as a liar? Why lie when it is so much effort for me to do so. I am lazy too for those that know me too well.

I am who I am

After 2 minutes of meeting me, you would automatically think I am moody. I have no control over that and I have no idea I am being one. I am like that and I can’t and have no reason to change. This is me. I don’t understand why people can’t accept me for being me. I am a complex human being. I don’t strive to be anyone else but me. I can’t be anyone else. So I might as well be me. Why is that hard to accept? Why criticize me for being me? Is it because I don’t do the same? I don’t point fingers and really, I don’t care much about anything other than me.

I was different in a way. I wanted to make everyone around me happy. I wanted to be liked by the things I did. Did anyone like me for being me? No. They didn’t know the real me. I was hiding that very well. So I resorted to writing what I felt. I felt it was wrong, and at days I felt it was right. At times I regretted what I said. Sometimes, I had to stand my ground and just say it.

What’s next?

I don’t know. Being a selfish, overbearing person is not a very well liked trait. I think I am better of being alone. I aim for being on top. That’s all I can do with the rest of my life. I just have to go up the ladder and think of me.

Here I am being selfish, or is it the characteristic of being an individual? Something to think about.

I am not the type of person that endorses anything, but we decided to get a Tassimo at work! I love it because I can get any flavour and enjoy it to perfection!!

The Lattes are great!! And I get to save money instead of spending two bucks on coffee in the morning!

Yaaaaay!! State of Palestine was declared today by the UN! Now I have a home country and no longer stateless!!

Time to celebrate! Two COUNTRIES to love now!