If you ever meet me, you would think I am the happiest person on earth. I am always cheerful, excited about things, talking to random people, cracking sarcastic jokes, but is it real?

Every day I keep thinking what happened to me? I was never like this. Did I evolve to become like this? Or is this just a cover up of some sort, because I cannot control it. I cannot for the life of me figure out why I have become this nutty happy person. There is nothing to be happy about by the way. I go to work, come back home, watch TV, do my assignments, and go to sleep. Then the same routine all over again the next day. I have become so robotic and I don’t know how to get out of it. Also, being an Arab and having to endure the cultural and traditions really sets the cherry on the pie!

Moreover, I have met my fair share of people in my life. I don’t think any of them have ever given me a reason to open up and be my self. Now, am I doing that sort of? Am I just doing it because you know what, life is just passing by, and just letting out random unplanned pointless spurs of happiness is all I can do? You try living your life day by day with no major future plans. Nothing really exciting at all to talk about. And just living the moment and pretending it is the best moment of your life!

Is every moment then the best one in your life? I never had a best moment in my life. I never felt I have accomplished anything that characterized it as being one. So being happy is throwing me off. Or is it just being me again where I have no idea why things are the way they are, and I am just way over critical of my self?

I suffered from depression in my early and mid 20′s. So anything I think of that is not characterized as being melancholy or something that is horribly bad is abnormal to me. I hit 30 and I think I hit a fuse at the same time.

Anyways, I will stop blabbering. I don’t know why I am blogging anymore. I am just lost and confused about my self that anything that is odd is really making me question my life.

Blah Blah, Confused, Depressed

Dear lovely peepz that reside on the Internet,

I am not crazy. I am not high. I have just been extremely tired, frustrated, going through crazy life changing events, and oh, my EX emailed me out of the blue. Wasn’t it or isn’t he married you ask?

So, let’s back up a bit. My brother decided to come to visit us with his new baby boy and the rest of his beautiful family. He drove me nutz. Love him, but he is not normal. Kind of like me!

I went on a job interview 2 weeks ago, and I was awesome and great. I had a second interview with dinner, and they told me I am awesome and great! Then, they emailed me saying I am not qualified for the position. (I know what your thinking, wtf?) And then they told me that they wanted to test me to do a couple of computer programming projects (same crap I am doing now) first, and totally not the same as the job posting. They want to first make sure I fit in! I was like wtf? They want me to spend hours of my time, or lack of free time that I got to be tested on TWO projects? No wonder they asked me this, “Why are you a programmer? What is a girl doing being a programmer?” I swear to God they asked me that and I was too enraged to answer that!

Then, my cousin came from Europe! She is beyond crazy. I think it is hereditary trait in my family! She stayed a week and made my life ever so joyful.

Finally, last Wednesday, I received an email in the middle of the night from HIM? Remember him people? The guy I was with for 6.5 years then we fought and blah blah he decided 3 months later to marry some chick from over seas? Umm, and also he was the reason I made this blog a while back? Yeah him! (Link here to read about the past.) You can browse old archives from 2008 or less to learn more.

Anyways, he wrote me a very casual nice email. On Facebook, I asked my peepz what they thought, and most agreed to ignore and move on. I moved on a long time ago people. But what the hell? Seriously, what does he want from me? It has been 2 years and he still cares to email? If you are married, would you want your significant other to remember someone else and email them? I don’t care about the details or assume anything, but honestly, I am not like that! I am not desperate or care to know why. It was hard to move on in the beginning, but life has to continue and I didn’t want to be a part of this crap anymore.

Anywho!! I am a Twitter addict! I am back to my old routine. I micro blog daily! So add me to Twitter @rebelliousgirl or check out my Twitter page (http://www.twitter.com/rebelliousgirl) with my updates. I try to always keep everyone on top of things, and I try my best to ANSWER every single person that messages me though Twitter! My life is boring, but you know what, it may not be as boring as yours! lool Just kidden. I love you all. You guys seriously put a smile on my face and have helped me go through a lot of hurdles in my life for the past 5.5 years!

Blah Blah, Confused, They said what?, Tweets, Whatever!

Dear whomever,

I mean it, whomever. I am not mad. I have no reason to be mad. I have a reason to be frustrated and a bit irritated at the moment, but I always have my reasons. I don’t want to act like my old self and think of a million different possibilities, but you know what, this is life. I want to be more positive and carefree, but if I pretend to be that way, then I am not my self.

So, if I tell off people to their face, then don’t blame me. Honestly, I am tired of pretending to be nice. What did it ever get me in life? No where that I want to be. So be it. I am going back to my old self. Screw this fakeness and trying to be happy. I am HAPPY and ANGRY! I have double feelings all time and that’s what characterizes me as MOODY!

Gosh! That felt good to come out of my chest. And I didn’t swear or say anything horrible and shocking! See people, this is what we call being a NORMAL person.

Love you all, but beware.

Advice, Angry, Blah Blah, Depressed, They said what?, Whatever!

I have never felt I needed to be proud of anything in my life. I always felt that I should be proud of just me, and that’s about it.

Then over time, especially for the past few weeks, I felt that I more than that. I need to represent something bigger and better. I have been getting overwhelming responses and comments from my blog, Twitter, and on Facebook of how appreciative people are of me. Not only that, I feel like I connected and I no longer have this huge façade between my self and the rest of the world.

However, today, I felt differently. I felt that I am happy to be outspoken. I am happy of my accomplishments in life and drive to succeed. As an Arab, Muslim, and Palestinian I am happy to represent those groups in any way that I can.

I may have complained a lot in the past, and I questioned far too many things about being an Arab, but I had my reasons and I never regretted a moment of it. I just want to be very successful and very happy without the cultural imposed ideologies that stand in my way and are questionable. I have this will power to represent my self and everything that makes me Mona. The immigrant, the Palestinian, the one who suffered so much growing up and moving from one country to the other, from school to school, the people surrounding me, the mentalities that hurt me, and from a different life to be accustomed to another.

I am stable now. A bit depressed still, but I have dreams, I have huge aspirations, and I am not giving up. I don’t want to give up anymore and I want to live my life knowing that I accomplished something and I represented something at a high level. It’s hard for many to understand my drive and energy. It is not selfish, but I want to be something. I want to be different, opinionated, and holding the largest whatever in my hands without some one or anything stopping me.

I am tired of being pushed around, looked down upon and doubted, and frankly speaking, I am tired of an image imposed by everyone else on me. Only I can make that image and then you decide. I think it is only fair no?

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

But pleasure got it back!

Anyways, forget that horrible cliche title. I want to know what you think of me by the following quotes that I adore. Do my favorite quotes really reflect who I am?

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em.” -William Shakespeare

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” -Norman Vincent Peale (1898 – 1993)

“We have no choice of what color we’re born or who our parents are or whether we’re rich or poor. What we do have is some choice over what we make of our lives once we’re here.” -Mildred D. Taylor

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.” -F. Scott Fitzgerald

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.” -Herm Albright

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened” -Winston Churchill

“If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right, you’ll probably never do much of anything.”

“If you don’t like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it. You just do it one step at a time.” -Marian Wright Edelman

“I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
-William Ernest Henley

Blah Blah, Categorize this!, Random Thoughts, Whatever!