I have always been this paranoid person battling with time, rushing with everything I do, trying to perfect everything while I am at it, but I don’t know why.

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I guess when you try really hard to reach a standard of living to satisfy the people around you, then you are left with two things: one brain cell, and something extremely caffeinated in your palms. This is my life, but I want to change it, and I am slowly trying. How would I do it though, or am I already without noticing? Also, I keep asking my self, what am I waiting for really?
So, I quit caring about everything, and only think about my self. Life is too short, and my hair is rapidly turning grey.
It may seem like just words written on a blog, but I seriously quit caring. I stopped caring about the people around me. My brother a couple of days ago asked me, “So how many friends you got left that you have not pissed off?” Hmm.
Oh, if he only knew how many fans I got from this website. My only way to communicate and make good friends is from people outside my realm, and outside this city of mine. However, my brother would be like what? “Over 1800 unique visits a day, over 3500 hits a day, over 260 friends on Facebook people that like this site only, over 960 Twitter followers, over 400 RSS & Email subscription readers, etc. What the hell do you talk about Mona that people are that interested in you, and you are always interacting with them, but you can’t do that in real life?” he would say.
I don’t know. Maybe I just say what is on my mind, and people out there who want to understand it and can relate to me, really appreciate it.
I question EVERYTHING and I don’t care if I say that THINGS are wrong and need to be changed or reconsidered. I am trying really hard to remove that censorship barrier, and not care anymore what I say. This is my job now; my blog. I got my blog office, a lovely desk area, and a L-Zay Boy Couch. I spend my time writing posts, and interacting with everyone all day long. I deal with 100’s of people a day, I try to be creative in everything that I try to represent about my self, and I always try to be on top of everything, technology and social networking wise. People on the net or people in real life, all the same now. It’s work, and it is not easy to slowly develop communication skills on your own to deal with all types of people. I used to always be picky and try to find friends that are similar to me and I can relate to, but now, I don’t care. I learned to appreciate and understand all kinds of people.
I just quit this paranoia and constant battle with my self to seem perfect, or say perfect things to satisfy certain people around me. Would I get the same treatment back? No. Never.
Questioning the Unquestionable
Moreover, over time, I kept asking my self these questions over and over, but I never found a satisfying answer to any of them.
1. Why do people only remember you or want to talk to you only if they need something from you?
2. Why do people forget you when you are no longer around them much, but there are many other methods to stay in touch?
3. Why do people suddenly stop talking to you, even though they are the ones that pissed you off?
4. Why when people find a significant other, they forget everyone else, and you quickly become a number in the bottom of their list?
Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!