Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

The one thing that depresses me about winter is the constant nose bleeds from the dryness. I hate it. I usually have a humidifier running in my room because of the dryness, but my room is too crowded and I am forgetful and I don’t want to buy a filter.

I am sick of having a tissue paper jammed up my nose. Gross!

I always get this same response from people that currently know me. They tell me that when they first met me they were scared of me. I didn’t talk and seemed a bit distant and not very open. I am like a closed book and you have to turn the pages and read it from the beginning and not skip a page to understand.

Once they got to know me, they ended up really liking me. That’s of course if they spent the time and effort to do so.

I guess I am a closed book where I don’t like people to know me at all and I rather be quiet and not be very talkative. Sometimes I think it is better, but my problem is that I rather be reserved and careful with what I am saying to certain people. Honestly, I don’t trust people that quickly. I think if I have to spend time trying to figure out some people, then they should do the same to me. If they talk too much about them selves, then I seriously loose interest and I know they talk too about others and eventually me.

It is hard to find good nice people to open up to. I think the greatest people I ever met are those who are willing to listen. I guess it is hard with the cyber galactic internet world, but my blog is more of an open book with missing chapters. And the missing chapters are what constitutes me in person. I guess these are the two missing pieces joined together to make the book of my life and thoughts.

I woke up this morning at 6:15 am after my alarm clock scared the living crap out of me with its noise. I think I wake up every day startled to death, hence my white hair over growth. I camouflage all that whiteness by the thickness of my hair and my side bangs. So I woke up, and I said to my self, “today, I don’t care about anything or anyone. I don’t care about the consquences of my actions, what I say, or what I will do or not do.”

I don’t do much and I tend to ignore and refuse to do many things because honestly, it got to the point where I don’t care anymore.  I just gave up because life stinks and I don’t care about it no more.

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life.

I was at the mall today before heading off to the gym and every where I went to they had Valentine’s Day gifts and chocolates. I HATE Valentines day! I really do. People become mean on that day and selfish. Argh!! If you read last years and the year before post you will know why I hate it. I have declared Valentines day to be the perfect day to rebel! I hate it.. I hate it!!

Other than that, I have been spending my evening updating and fixing my site. I removed some stuff so I would not have so much content on the main page and I added some other stuff.

Today was a mellow day. Nothing really exciting or different. All I want is to go to sleep!

I have noticed that girls and guys have a serious problem becoming or staying friends. The worst part is in the Arab culture, it is looked down upon big time. I don’t see a problem with it as long as two people know their boundaries and limits. However, what happens if you have a long time friend and then suddenly changed their feelings towards you all of a sudden? Or what happens when people constantly think you two are not friends and there is more and they cannot fathom the idea of it being just friendship?

Let me answer the first question. I had this problem many many times. I like having friends, and from my experiences, I rather have guys as friends than girls. Having friends who are girls in my situation is really getting frustrating and too much of a headache and drama which lately has been getting on my nerves. I wish people can just control their emotions and stop having to explain every detail of their life. So I like having guys as friends and I get a long great with them. I rather talk about random things about life, then the mini details of every aspect of someone else’s life. So I explained now why I like having guys as friends, but what happens when suddenly, out of no where, a guy tells you he likes you more than just a friend. I am like aah, what? When did this happen? I usually hesitate and I want to go back in time 30 seconds so I don’t have to hear this from a friend. The problem is, sometimes I really like guys but only as friends. I don’t see a future beyond friendship and what happens when I explain that to me? Simple. They stop talking to me or they try harder to convince me thinking I am easily convinced. (I am as stubborn as a goat!) It is like forcing someone to like you. Then they start this mambo jumbo about an Arab girl and an Arab guy can’t be friends forever. So I say, “what the hell did you think we were?”

To answer the second question, oh I hate the second question about what people think. When I am friends with a guy, I straight up tell the guy that we are friends and he accepts it because I am cool and I am an awesome friend. (ehm) hehe.. Anyways, we agree on this and we are just friends. Nothing more than that and there will never be anything more. People don’t understand that, and they think the reason we two are together because we are an item. A couple. I say we are a couple of crazy people with a bad sense of humor and that’s it. However, people start talking, rumors start permeating all over because some bitchy jealous person decided to make a big deal of it. So what happens in the end? The guy stops talking to me because he doesn’t want a rumor to be true at all.

I had this problem in first year University. I was friends with this nice Arab guy who honestly, I wasn’t attracted to at all and was just my classmate and had most of my classes with him. That was it. Well, after a few months, a bunch of Arab girls were sitting with us, and I didn’t care. I didn’t really think anything or bothered about the situation. Then one day, this one girl took him to the side away from where we were sitting and talked to him for a bit. I didn’t care. Next day, he stopped talking to me or sitting with me completely. It was like I am invisible. I was like wow. Nice friend he was. Then in second year he wanted me to code an assignment for him and he would pay me. He came out of no where and asked me to do this. I just laughed and ignore him. I can’t believe some people and how people talk and manipulate each other. All stupid.

In conclusion, there is no big deal that a guy and girl become and stay friends. I find it normal and it is PEOPLE who make a big deal out of it because they are either jealous or just plain stupid! And when a guy crosses the limits, time to smack him back to reality, the soft way!

I like my friends!