I was talking to a friend and she kept complaining to me about the way her parents treat her. She comes from a very well off family. As in rich. Yet, she works and barely earns a 1000 dollars a month. Maybe less, depends on her work hours. However, when she asks her parents for money (5 dollars), they tell her “no, don’t you work?” I was dumbfounded when she was telling me the story. My family is completely the opposite. Even when we had nothing, my parents will ask me if I wanted anything.

Till this day, as a 26 year old girl with a job, my parents still ask me if I want money. Sometimes I ask my mom for a Toonie or 5 dollars because I want coffee in the morning and I didn’t have change on me. My dad would over hear the conversation and says, “give her 20!” Then he says, “I can go get you cash if your mom doesn’t have any.” I am like wow wow.. back off. I just want some change. My parents never question what I do with my money or why I ask for money. My mom knows I like shopping, but she knows I never buy anything expensive. If I do, (once in a blue moon), then I tell her. Normal. I got nothing to hide. However, they never ask me what I do with my money, what I buy, how much I have in the bank. Nothing.

They know I work, they know my salary, and they are happy and don’t care what I do with my money or when I ask for money. Only thing my mom keeps asking me, “how much money left to pay off your student loans, and always save your money. You never know what the future holds.” I do save my money, but she always asks me that. Once I finish my student loans I would be relieved! I could pay more or even completely pay it off right now, but why should I? I rather go shopping!

So why are parents who are very well off treat their children so badly? Making them almost beg for money. I mean I understand that people our age should be well off and not in need of our parents, but sometimes it is nice to just know they are still on our side. That they can and are willing to help us out when time is needed.

Maybe my family is just different and just really nice when it comes to money. Maybe it is harder when you had a family suffering from lack of money for years to others who have too much that parting with it, even to their children, is hardest thing imaginable to them.

Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

Sometimes I wonder about what I am unconsciously thinking. I walk sometimes alone or sitting there staring at a computer screen and suddenly I think I am in another world. I feel sometimes that I am talking to my self telling a story. Too many thoughts in my head that make me question my life. My purpose. My daily activities. Today I think I completely lost that barrier of reality and day dreaming.

My problem since I was young that I day dream too much. Many times I forget where I am or what I am doing. I usually don’t realize it and just think it was nothing. Just pure day dreams. Nothing more and I seldom remember what I was doing or thinking. I couldn’t put one and one together.

Today, however, I think I completely lost it. I was walking this morning and all of a sudden I heard my self telling a story. I was the narrator. I kept throwing names and kept saying in my head, “she said …” and then “he said …”

It was absurd. I didn’t know what I was thinking or saying. I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was thinking very unrelated things. Too many events of he said and she said. As I stopped walking and heard noises I looked up and saw people talking. I forgot completely what I was thinking. Who said what? Was I repeating in my head things that people around me were saying? Was I making up anything in my head of stories to pass the time of walking?

As I got to work I sat down and I just wanted to keep my self preoccupied with anything. Looking at the computer screen was too painful because my eye was in pain. I kept closing my eye, but the moment I closed my eyes I felt like I was drugged and my head felt heavy. Extremely heavy.  I just kept looking at the screen or closing my eyes for about an hour. Then I couldn’t stand it no more and I just pushed the laptop away from me and just tried my best not to look at the screen.

I just felt an extreme repulsion and hate towards that screen. Towards the computer. I tried to do something else, so I took out a book to read, but I couldn’t and I couldn’t find any interest in it. I just felt dead and nothing.

I kept trying to move around, and just walk around, in and out of the lab for a bit. After 2 and a half hours, I just stopped and just stared at my fish and turtle, and I just stopped thinking, or feeling, or anything.  I just don’t know what was happening to me.

Half the time, I don’t know what is wrong with me. Am I delusional? Am I loosing my sanity slowly? I know my blog does not do me any justice. Half the things I wrote in the past are complete rubbish when I read them again. Most of the time I don’t read what I wrote again because I always wondered what was wrong with me the moment I typed. The moment my fingers touched the keys; the words it was writing, the sentences and paragraphs it was creating. Was I angry,  happy, content, aggravated, sad, or lonely?

Who knows, half the time who knows what I write. Half the time I don’t know what I say or think. Sometimes I just have these really bad headaches and can’t remember a thing? Am I suffering from amnesia? I don’t know.

Maybe I am slowly loosing my grip on reality because I spent the past twenty-six years refusing to accept it.

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts, Sleepy Post

Funny, Random Thoughts

Yesterday, when I got home, my sister looks at me in disbelief and horror and asks, “why is there blood in your eye!” I said, “hmm, I donno.” So I went to the mirror and saw a blotch of blood inside my right eye. I was horror struck, and at the same time I realized it was cause of my lack of sleep.

I woke up this morning, and it was still red. Although I slept well last night for about 6 or 7 hours. I don’t know what’s wrong with my eye. My sister suggested that I should start wearing my glasses and become four eyed again. (kids!)

I told her sure, I haven’t worn my glasses in ages. I don’t have a really bad eye condition. I can see fine far and near. It it just my eyes are weak and get watery and just plain sensitive to anything. In the summer or even if there is any sun, I would go blind without my glasses. I would take a picture of my eye for any of you doctors or doctor pursuing blog readers want to examine, but I am at work and me no have no camera! Blah.. my eye is actually hurting now. Boo!

Blah Blah, Ranting as usual!

I started off the day waking up at 5! Yes, I slept 6 hours last night, from 11 – 5. Not bad eh? Anyways, I woke up a little before 5 because I had a strange dream. I woke up looking at picture of me and me. I mean a picture of two people which were me. I was looking straight at one side of the picture. I knew it was me, I had dark hair, brown eyes, and round face. The other person was the same person. It was me in the same position and same smile. I looked at it carefully, then I saw it wasn’t me. The person had same eyes, but little lighter, same exact round face, but the hair was very light brown. I woke up at the moment I realized who was in that picture. It was the older version of my young 12 year old sister. Then I thought about it all day, she doesn’t look exactly like me, I mean when I was 12 I looked different. Her and I look alike. You can tell with a heart beat we are sisters, but we don’t look exactly alike.

That dream was just weird. It is weird looking at your self in a dream. Very strange.

Anyways, so today at work I spent the first hour or so fixing up my game. It worked! Yaay. I spent an hour finding one bug. One measly bug! I was at he edge of taking my laptop and throwing it cause I couldn’t find the bug!

I finished the CD and burned it. I made a CD label, and printed it. Done. I went back to my computer, and no internet. I was like huh. I asked everyone, “everyone got net?” They checked and said, “yup!”

I got mad and rebooted the machine. I went back and no internet. I got mad! I then switched to Linux and again, no internet! I went back to windows and decided to try again, then I disconnected the wire and tried the wireless (they conflict with each other), and the wireless worked. I got internet. So I got my co-worker to try my ip address on his machine. It worked. So my ip wasn’t blocked. So must be my MAC (Media Access Control) address or value for my network card. I smiled. I am like huh! I was finally caught downloading movies! No wonder my internet connection was so slow this morning. They were monitoring my bandwith. The funny thing they blocked my MAC address but not my IP.

My boss was busy in a meeting all day. So I didn’t want to bug him, but I emailed him about it. He didn’t say anything, he then came online and said, “you downloading?” I said, ” I stopped it two hours ago!”

I knew he was busy, so I took the matters in my own hands. I wanted internet to be wired because of emails I receive via my email client. So I changed my MAC address number using the network’s control panel. I made up a value, and boom. Without even restarting crappy Windows XP crap, I got internet again.

I told my boss what happened and I asked him, “will I get my original MAC address back?” He said, “you changed it right?” I said, “yep!” He then asked me how I did it and thought I downloaded software, I said nop. Simple as can be. So I showed him, and he laughed. I told him, “does this mean I stop downloading?” He said, “no. All of us here are downloading too. ”

Ok great. I get caught and blocked, and they haven’t. Was I downloading that much? So I decided to just download from home.

Hehehe.

Anyways, when I got home, I read a lot, and ate, and now I am writing. Maybe I will read a lot more or dry my hair. Hehehe..

Blah Blah, Funny, They said what?, Whatever!