Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I do find other Arabs amusing. I really do.

So here is the 411 on my life, or lack of it. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. I feel trapped in my own doing, but I have been feeling a bit of a relief from great words of encouragement from you guys. I know you guys are sick of me complaining about my job and my life and everything in between, but hey, would you rather have me complain about other people? . . . . *winking*

I have complained a lot about a lot of different people in the past, and I lost some of those “friends” because of what I say on here. Do I regret it? No. It just showed the true colours of some people, and even me. I am blunt and honest, and that’s about it! Anyways, I don’t want to go that route again. So, if I seem a bit narcissistic or arrogant, then oh well. What can I say? I have always been that way and I am not changing my stubborn self observed crazy ways.

Anyways, yesterday I went to an Arabic wedding celebration thing that was only for women. A women’s Arabic party where they only had English club music and high heels wearing hijabi girls who can bust a move. I know, strange, but 99% of you Arabic girls out there have been to one. And if you have not, God saved you!

I can’t bust a move. I am classy and I only do professional staged choreography that is very well thought of that includes shaking that ass, and that’s about it.

Therefore, I don’t dance in front of people. Who wants to see that?

Anyways, you know Arab women and girls. I got one girl sitting at the table with us telling me, “Mona!! Aren’t you bored with your job yet? Ma tfishty?” I said, “Umm.. ” She said, “Man, with your education you should be going to UAE and making hell of a lot of money.” I said, “No. I will not go to the middle east. I like being here, in good old Canada!”

Then she started taking about her EX finance, and her other Ex fiance, and how he is a mama’s boy who thinks his mother is better than her. Also he told her that his mom is more beautiful and whiter. (She is light skinned) So I was like, “what the frigg? Also, you dark? So what the hell am I?” Her mother jumped in to the conversation and said, “you look like a beautiful exotic Indian with a touch of Arabic. Perfect tan.” I said, “Yeah right!!”

Women.

Anyways, then more and more drama stories. God!! They need to read my blog so I can tell them off. I would be the most hated Arabic girl in my city, or even Canada, or even in all English speaking nations! Jeez! Wouldn’t that be something? Just being different can be oh so amazing. Try it, millions of Arab youths are doing it right now!!

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There has been talk flying around like it was bird’s mating season about this whole Facebook and what it is doing to the middle east. Really, I don’t think it is a factor, but just another communication tool used to get the word out there.

I could have done it with mass e-mailing. Like endless email forwarding (do people still forward emails?). Or just underground methods using some obscure communication languages to do the same old crap.

However, Facebook was used because it was plain and simple. It was clear that people were frustrated and wanted to openly say they were. So what? What’s wrong with it? Is it the whole generation gap thing again? Because I can tell you, my mother is not happy with what Facebook has done, but she doesn’t know how or why or who is causing it. It’s the Facebook Middle East Conspiracy theory.

I just think it was just about time. No conspiracy. Nothing.

Think of it this way. You are mad. You are angry. You not only want change, but you want to see a huge difference that not only effects you, but generations to come. I know from being an Arab, I have this fire inside of me that is always ready to get out. I have witnessed so much unbelievable crap in my life time through TV, radio, any other type of media out there and it really pisses me off. So can you imagine millions of Arab youths having this same feeling?

Me X millions = shit inevitably will happen..

So, for the Arabs in the middle east who clearly have one incentive, just don’t give up, but remember, “Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.” I am disappointed with some things going on, but the rest of you guys, good rebellion.

So, peace in the middle east and God protect the holy land!

I know I shouldn’t be complaining, but honestly, I don’t see the point of this blog anymore. Like I don’t know what I am trying to get across to everyone. Am I trying to throw out a message to the world outside of my head? Think about it, what am I trying to say every day? I don’t know, I feel that I can’t anymore because I have no idea what it is anymore.

I live a sad life, and I have become isolated in my own little bubble, and I just don’t know if it is worth talking about.

I am not a psychological experiment. So don’t try to analyze me anymore. I am just another girl out there who happens to be Arab, who happens to have a blog, who happens to write mediocre articles, and I … I …

I am expressive, I don’t lie, and I am a bit blunt. Traits of a person who is at the high ladder of being disliked.

So what do I really want to say. You see, the land I came from is in chaos. The exotic land of the middle east which I should be calling my second home is slowly turning to ruins, and what am I supposed to talk about anymore? How great it is that people are standing up for what they believe in, but they are doing it wrong and letting outside forces control their behaviour? And for what?

Also, I am not happy with my life. And the reason I started this blog 5 years ago was because I was not happy at all. Every year it just gets worse but I take it one day at a time. I feel blessed to survive day by day despite all the unwanted distractions, and I try to make the best out of it. It is hard. It is very hard, and you can say I have not cried in a long time, but I think I express it in anger instead.

Anger is not something I am happy about. The majority of the time I cannot control it, and I even regret it. You try being me. It may not seem like the most important thing in the world, and there a lot worse things going on. I should be putting my self in someone else’s shoe, but that doesn’t help but make me feel worse. So why can’t I put my self in someone else’s shoe that will make me feel better?

Like people say, “oh it could get worse?” Why can’t they say, “things will get better and look at this person and that?”

I have not been doing anything on my own or being creative for so many years. I am not doing anything that will make me feel or even appear better. I want to do something with my life that will make me in 20 years look back and say, “Ahh the hard times were merely just my own imagination.”

Really, I just don’t know what to say anymore..

“Is there anyone out there, because it is getting harder and harder to breath.. “

Where do I even begin this one?

I know many of you have viewed me as the “pessimist,” but I can’t help being me. I am just this type of person. Surprisingly, there are many things that make me happy. I get excited really quick, and about just the little things really. Maybe that’s why I am a pessimist because I view certain huge things as annoying obstacles or just whatever you know. But the cute little things just make me oh so happy!

For example, I get excited when I buy new electronic gadgets. It drives me to extreme happy mode. It is insignificant, selfish and materialistic happiness, but dammit, we do what makes us happy. Even if they are things that cost an arm and a leg.

I also get excited when I see happy fun people. I don’t get jealous or say, “what the fuck is wrong with them?” No, I like to share their joy and excitement. I don’t know why, but I feel I want to be part of their joy in order to be joyful as well. Sounds gay and totally stupid, but it works.

However, if it makes you guys happy to send me emails (like this morning from subscribed fans) to tell me that you want to have fun and a fucking good time, then you need to wake up from your dream land, because that ain’t happening buddy. You guys are serious FOBS who can’t even write English, nor have respect to women. But oh, I am a pessimist again. You guys need to make me happy and joyful, not fucking annoyed.

Selfish people. Learn to be happy! (Rolling my eyes, and lying through my teeth!)

So, what makes you people happy? Cuz I need to feel the happy vibe in order to stay happy. Don’t you guys want me to be happy? Happy is happy does!!

This post may sound a bit blunt, but hey, I don’t care and I never do. Anyways, there are two things that really piss me off from two extreme types of people, especially Arabs: the religious fanatics and the political adversaries.

Why I don’t like them, actually I hate them and that’s why I am like fuzz people, why can’t you spend your time doing something better with your life instead of arguing these things day and night. No one cares and here is why:

Religion

I don’t care about religion. I think religion is from the heart and it is something we accept and we practice to please our selves and God. Why do I have to please you? Who the hell are you?

Politics

Last time I checked not every single one of you went to University or College to study some type of political sciences. Yet, the majority of you are political analysts, and you want to drag me into this. Hello, middle east, I don’t care!! No one cared about my Palestinian people as they have been suffering for over 60 years! You guys know shit about politics, yet all you guys do is talk about it like no tomorrow. Everyone wants to be a political critic. Political critics my ass! If it was that easy, humanity would have not or still not be suffering in some form or another politically, and even socially. So shut up, you don’t know any better.

P.S. I still love you guys, but you really piss me off.