This is how Japanese girls make their eyes bigger.. I think it is cool but for some of us.. eye liner is enough!

Blah Blah, Random Thoughts

I watched a couple of movies yesterday. I first watched The Number 23.ÂÂ? Booo! I wasn’t impressed. I was thinking it will be cool cause my favourite number is 23 and I thought it would just be a cool story. NOT! Wasted an hour and 30 minutes of my life. Good thing I was doing some work and watching it on the side. Phew.

Then comes the movie The Astronaut Farmer. I started watching it and I was like hmm. Better than the previous movie. Than when I saw Bruce Willis with his small role I was like aah. Dejavu! I felt like I am watching Armageddon again but no action and no real good story that keeps you at the edge of your seat. So boo. The story was ok, but totally unbelievable.

So in conclusion. I can’t wait for the movie 300! I heard it will be awesome!

But since I watch Armageddon every week almost and after watching that stupid movie I am gonna watch Armageddon and feel the adventure again!

That DVD is gonna get scratched and damaged cause of me soon!

Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!

Well another typical day. A day where I get this random person out of no where posting on my site that I have problems and I am a bad Arabic person who just gives Arabs a bad name. Thanks. I try. I removed his comment cause I found it offensive and no mood to argue with him. But I still thought of it as an interesting thought and accusation. So this is the thing. I write what I feel like writing. Someone out of no where, who just reads one of my articles or rants or thoughts or bitching and just thinks I am this horrible jealous person of society and my surroundings. That I just cannot accept reality and live in the Western society as a normal person.

What does Western society have to do with me?

I am neither western nor middle eastern. I don’t like to be a part of either one. I like being me. I like my own individual thoughts. I don’t like Western society. I don’t like Middle eastern society. I just cannot accept either or. It’s not my thing. I don’t want to be stereotyped as a person who doesn’t accept the society I live in. I don’t care about it. I don’t base my life on accepting it and being like it. What is it with Arabs and their thoughts about girls in North America? They think cause we live here that we are adapted to the society we live in and that should be our lifestyle. I don’t think so. My life style is what I chose for my self. My parents are pretty care free and let me do what ever I want. It’s because I don’t do anything they never have a problem or keep questioning what I do. I never get questioned. I never get asked where I am going or who I am with. Cause I don’t do anything or want to. My parents keep forcing me to do things. To go out to do things and I am just not in the mood. I used to do many things. I used to do crazy wild things behind their backs in my early University days. Going to parties all the times, having a boyfriend for 4 years. I am still amazed how I managed to keep that a secret from EVERYONE for 4.5 years almost. But now, I just don’t enjoy it anymore. I grew out of it. I was offered alcohol, cigarettes, pot.. etc.. everything in the book. I just didn’t want to do any of them. It’s not like the devil wasn’t in my head telling me to do it. I guess I am just odd and I have a really bad conscious and I just say no to anything. I just found it morally wrong and unhealthy.

However, I was criticized for not acting like a Westerner and accepting my society and I am jealous of non-Arabs. And THAT’S how I give Arabs bad name.

Unbelievable.

They said what?, Whatever!

Ok.. well we all have our obsessive compulsive behaviours.. but sometimes they may lead to more harm than intended. Well actually they are just plain harmful. I have a tendency of cleaning my right ear a lot. I have an obsession with cleaning my ear almost 6 or 7 times a day. This is on a normal day. When I am pissed off or nervous I do it more often to the point where my ear becomes watery from the inside. Or to the point of infection. I cannot stop. My mom screams at me daily to the point where I am actually almost deaf in my right ear. Maybe that is why I keep cleaning it thinking my ear has something in it. Sometimes I do hear constant ringing in my ear, but I think that is cause people are talking about me. But we know that is not true and I am damaging my ear. Well it was already damaged when I had a severe ear infection when I was 15 where I was hospitalized and was given morphine and insane ear drops that I have fear of remembering it. And since that day I no longer hear well in my right ear. So I keep thinking to my self and I forget that I cannot hear well and I just unconciously keep cleaning it. I am addicted. The problem is when I am seriously pissed off my anger level goes way high that my head starts to hurt and my ears turn red and I feel my ears are congested and closed. So what do I do? I keep cleaning it. So now I am physically harming my self unconsciously. I even went to the doctor once so he can help me and he said. Stop cleaning your ear. I was like ok.. great help! Like I listen to anyone!
So I just came home and for some reason my head hurts. I got into a fight with some chick who was acting so stupid and pathetic at the bus ticket depot! I don’t want to discuss it but fuck now I have to go downtown to the main bus depot tomorrow because she is a fucken stupid bitch! I was so pissed. Never in my life I have bitched at a stranger. I am usually very quiet and I don’t ever get into fights with people I don’t know or even argue with anyone I don’t know. But for some reason I couldn’t control my anger and I just blew up at her! I hate stupid GIRLS!

I don’t know what is going on with me. Now I am scared at getting into fights with anyone. Anyone!

My ear now hurts cause I am so freaken pissed off at such idiotic bitchiness. Why why people are stupid! WHY! Why can’t I just smack them! Fuck some people really need to be smacked!

Ranting as usual!

Ok.. well now I am back home and I have time to write something a little bit more interesting than the previous post. Only cause I have been thinking about this all day. This morning as I got into work one person in my class that I am taking who is in my group started chatting with me. Let me describe this guy first. He is my age. 26. He has a lot of work experience and very talented. He is “SMART!” However, he is lazy, he has personal problems and he drinks his problems away. What does this cause? Not him showing up to meetings. But I always keep him updated with emails and I wasn’t going to be mean to him or anything. Because when he does show up to our meetings he is the genius behind all the design work. He knows it all. That is to me for a University course is all I need from him. I want him to contribute his all. So my role in this group as I told them from day one. I can code in c++ and I choose to do the GUI for the application. That is all I wanted to do and it is the fun part. I didn’t want to do any complicated coding or figuring out how to use certain data structures and using some stupid design pattern. I just wanted to do the GUI! So I talked to him this morning. I will place snippets of the conversation.

(8:24 AM) N: ‘morning
(8:24 AM) Mona: heeeeeeeey
(8:24 AM) Mona: wuzzup dude
(8:24 AM) N: did you get my email?
(8:24 AM) Mona: ur up early
(8:24 AM) Mona: yep
(8:24 AM) N: no, still up
(8:24 AM) Mona: and i had no clue what u did
(8:24 AM) Mona: but i trust you
(8:24 AM) Mona: i suck at perl
(8:24 AM) N: kk, but did the end result end up in c++ class defs?
(8:24 AM) Mona: no clue
(8:24 AM) Mona: i didn’t try it
(8:24 AM) N: k, we need someone to proofread me
(8:24 AM) Mona: i told you i had no clue
(8:24 AM) Mona: did you test it?
(8:24 AM) N: no, i send a file with c++ class defs too
(8:25 AM) Mona: i saw it
(8:25 AM) Mona: yah
(8:25 AM) N: yeah, the third file in the email had all the class defs for the project
(8:25 AM) Mona: well why you spending time doing this
(8:25 AM) N: so we don’t have to type so much
(8:25 AM) N:
(8:25 AM) Mona: well u are spending time
(8:25 AM) Mona: trying to figure it out
(8:25 AM) N: sure, but i’m good at that, i might as well use my skills for our project, no?
(8:25 AM) Mona: true
(8:25 AM) N: it’s not hard for me.
(8:25 AM) Mona: well
(8:26 AM) Mona: i think we need cvs up and running
(8:26 AM) N: showing up is hard for me

(8:50 AM) N: but i’m worried — can i tell you why?
(8:50 AM) Mona: we make final decisions
(8:50 AM) Mona: why
(8:50 AM) N: before we meet – can i talk to you?
(8:50 AM) N: kk, here’s the thing…
(8:50 AM) Mona: what’s wrong
(8:50 AM) Mona: ?
(8:51 AM) N: if i write a program that is able to generate all our .h files, and then generate stubs for our .cpp files, and there’s a problem in it, then there’s only one place to fix it … in that program.
(8:51 AM) Mona: aha
(8:51 AM) N: or … we can waste a lot of time doing things we don’t have to do, and get to the same place
(8:51 AM) N: do you see?
(8:51 AM) Mona: i see
(8:51 AM) Mona: hmm
(8:51 AM) N: did you look at the c++ headers that my progarm made?
(8:51 AM) N: they were perfect!
(8:51 AM) Mona: hehe
(8:51 AM) Mona: well
(8:51 AM) Mona: ok
(8:51 AM) Mona: how about i ask you to do this
(8:51 AM) N: that’s my worry, ms. manager
(8:52 AM) N: (I mean that)
(8:52 AM) Mona: lol
(8:52 AM) Mona: i am not a manager
(8:52 AM) N: take it on, i need you to
(8:52 AM) Mona: i just like to control things and make sure there is no conflict
(8:52 AM) Mona: cause i don’t have time for ths
(8:52 AM) N: well, that sounds like management
(8:52 AM) N: i don’t either
(8:52 AM) Mona: i guess
(8:52 AM) Mona: so listen to me
(8:52 AM) N: kk
(8:52 AM) Mona: you do this
(8:52 AM) N: btw, you should listen to me too.
(8:52 AM) Mona: make the header files
(8:52 AM) Mona: and c++
(8:52 AM) N: i just did
(8:52 AM) N: you have them in an email
(8:53 AM) Mona: put them all in the proper directory structure
(8:53 AM) N: sure
(8:53 AM) Mona: no i mean in cvs

(9:08 AM) Mona: you are really good for our group
(9:08 AM) N: i know
(9:08 AM) Mona: we jut love it if you show up!
(9:08 AM) Mona: if you want
(9:09 AM) N: so don’t keep marking me down
(9:09 AM) Mona: we can change the time
(9:09 AM) Mona: but common
(9:09 AM) Mona: most of our meeting are after class
(9:09 AM) Mona: lol
(9:09 AM) Mona: ok fine
(9:09 AM) Mona: how about this
(9:09 AM) N: i know… i’m just a drunk.
(9:09 AM) Mona: this time i promise not to mark you negatively
(9:09 AM) N: if?
(9:09 AM) Mona: but you have to promise me
(9:09 AM) Mona: to come to meetings from now on
(9:09 AM) N: kk, well, that’s the email i sent.
(9:09 AM) Mona: and no more drinking
(9:09 AM) Mona: drink on weeeknd
(9:10 AM) Mona:
(9:10 AM) N: kk, i can’t promise no more drinking.

(9:10 AM) N: mona, i’ve struggled with this for fucking years.
(9:10 AM) Mona: it was funny
(9:10 AM) N: i wasn’t going to show up bleeding, dear.
(9:10 AM) Mona: well
(9:10 AM) Mona: u need help
(9:10 AM) N: sorry?
(9:10 AM) Mona:
(9:10 AM) Mona: ur drinking
(9:10 AM) Mona: do you drink every day/
(9:10 AM) Mona: ?
(9:11 AM) N: I don’t want to be rude when I answer that question.
(9:11 AM) Mona: no just be honest
(9:11 AM) Mona: i am just curious
(9:11 AM) N: none of your business.
(9:11 AM) Mona:
(9:11 AM) Mona: :S
(9:11 AM) N: that’s an odd smiley
(9:11 AM) Mona: ok sorry
(9:11 AM) N: you’re my manager
(9:11 AM) Mona: i am not your manager
(9:11 AM) N: you can be concerned and penalize me with not being there
(9:11 AM) Mona: i am working in a team wit you
(9:12 AM) N: really?
(9:12 AM) N: I’m not good at that
(9:12 AM) Mona: but you need to learn to work in a team
(9:12 AM) N: You’re totally right
(9:12 AM) Mona: a month left
(9:12 AM) Mona: of this course
(9:12 AM) Mona: and that’s it
(9:12 AM) N: but i’m not good at it
(9:12 AM) N: no, my whole life left
(9:12 AM) N: and i’m still not good at it

(9:26 AM) Mona: u can do whatever u like
(9:26 AM) Mona: u got the week
(9:27 AM) Mona: as long as it is good
(9:27 AM) N: stop saying “do whatever you like”
(9:27 AM) Mona: efficient
(9:27 AM) Mona: and can make our life’s easier
(9:27 AM) N: it makes you look like you don’t care
(9:27 AM) Mona: no
(9:27 AM) Mona: i do care
(9:27 AM) Mona: but i don’t want to tell you
(9:27 AM) Mona: what to do
(9:27 AM) N: but the way you say that seems that way
(9:27 AM) Mona: cause id on’t know
(9:27 AM) Mona: i am leaving it up to you
(9:27 AM) N: nono, i know what you mean
(9:27 AM) Mona: than you tell us
(9:27 AM) N: i’m helping
(9:27 AM) N: do you understand
(9:27 AM) N: it’s criticism
(9:27 AM) Mona: lol
(9:28 AM) Mona: sorry you just have to get used to the way i tal
(9:28 AM) Mona: talk
(9:28 AM) Mona: i usualy say i dont care
(9:28 AM) Mona: its a habit of mine
(9:28 AM) Mona: but in reality i do
(9:28 AM) N: saying ‘do whatever you like’ doesn’t help people to want to work for you.
(9:28 AM) Mona: oh no
(9:28 AM) Mona: if you work for me
(9:28 AM) Mona: for real
(9:28 AM) Mona: i will TELL you exactly how to do
(9:28 AM) N: now that we’ve agreed on the roles…
(9:28 AM) Mona: it
(9:28 AM) Mona: lol
(9:28 AM) Mona: ok
(9:28 AM) Mona: so u want me
(9:28 AM) Mona: to tell you waht to do
(9:28 AM) Mona: and that way you will have a direction
(9:28 AM) N: nope
(9:28 AM) Mona: than wht
(9:28 AM) Mona: ur confusing me
(9:29 AM) Mona: lol
(9:29 AM) N: best manager i’ve ever had was involved, took a genuine interest in what i did, and let me do it. i’m trying to help your management skills as much as you’re trying to help my “Technical Lead” skills, right?
(9:29 AM) N: but that manager didn’t say “do what you like”
(9:30 AM) Mona: hmm
(9:30 AM) Mona: ur right
(9:30 AM) Mona: ok i see your point
(9:30 AM) N: she said “what are you doing?”
(9:30 AM) N: “that seems right.”
(9:30 AM) N: you know?
(9:30 AM) N: sorry
(9:30 AM) Mona: its ok
(9:30 AM) Mona: i like your thinking
(9:30 AM) N: this is outside of school.
(9:30 AM) Mona: i know
(9:30 AM) Mona: i like it a lot
(9:30 AM) Mona: thanks for the tip
(9:30 AM) Mona: well
(9:30 AM) N: let’s role play
(9:30 AM) Mona: ok cool
(9:31 AM) N: manager and tech lead
(9:31 AM) Mona: so you
(9:31 AM) N: and let’s lead k and r

(9:44 AM) N: sorry, disconnected
(9:44 AM) Mona: its ok
(9:44 AM) Mona: just smile ok
(9:44 AM) N: i’m afraid of ppl, not of you… but of course of you, based on the way you’ve put yourself in the group
(9:44 AM) Mona: lol
(9:44 AM) N: don’t say “do what you want”
(9:44 AM) Mona: don’t do what u want
(9:44 AM) N: it makes me think you weren’t listening.
(9:44 AM) Mona: tell the group first
(9:45 AM) Mona: oh believe me i listen
(9:45 AM) N: even when i am sitting with the group
(9:45 AM) N: you say “do what you want”
(9:45 AM) Mona: like i told you
(9:45 AM) N: and that makes me think you’re not listening
(9:45 AM) Mona: its cause i am a dork and i sometimes have no idea what u talking about
(9:45 AM) Mona: ur way beyond me
(9:45 AM) N: then ask.
(9:45 AM) N: please
(9:45 AM) N: that’s what a group is for
(9:45 AM) N: kk, gotta go.
(9:45 AM) Mona: i shall
(9:45 AM) Mona: ok
(9:45 AM) Mona: byebye
(9:45 AM) N: love ya, see you soon (this week)
(9:45 AM) N: later
(9:45 AM) Mona: byebye

So now I am forced to lead my other 3 team mates. I don’t want to. It’s just I am surprised that a person with so much work experience, brains, and charisma would ask me to do that. Not only that. I have to be emotionally nice to him. I didn’t post the part when he was talking about his real problem and his major drinking problem. He has one but I am tolerant to drunks. It’s their choice for sure. But now it is my problem. I have to encourage this guy, give him some hope and some motivation to do work and do my own work. AAaah!! What amazed me that based on a few meetings. Maybe 9 or 10 and him barely showing up for 3 or 4 of them, that he is completely afraid of me and thinks I should just lead him and that way the project will be a success. Am I that bossy? Do I have such a powerful affect on people that it brings them fear?

Blah.. I need to do some coding. Writing and watching TV is not very relaxing. Coding is!

They said what?, Whatever!