Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

Hi everyone,

I know I have not been a good blogger the past 2 or 3 years. I sometimes forget I have a blog. I have these anger episodes, and I get angry at my self first before anything else. My head hurts in a weird way sometimes. It’s not a migraine or anything. It is a shock I have to endure sometimes where I can’t fathom doing else in life.

I am not insane or have some phycological disease. On the contrary, I am as normal as normal can be. Everyone else around me pisses me off. That said, I wonder what is cooking for dinner. Good food is great on the soul. Don’t you think?

PS. Did I mention I work with idiots? Maybe I am the idiot, who knows.

It’s at the edge of the door.

I can barely see it, but its smell is permeating the room.

It is a pleasant smell.

It is not so strong and just right.

Oh what I would do to see where the smell is coming from!

Where do I begin? People are amused by my silence. I am not what I used to be. I am not sure why I changed, but it has to do with a lot of factors. The biggest one and obvious one is that I am not happy with my life. How can I change that? I am trying, but nothing is working.

I try to find someone, but I think I ask for too much. Like any other girl who wants a life to share with someone else! Nop. That is not working. I am not meticulous or anything, but I want normality and quietness. Is that too much to ask or unbelievable to the imagination?

I think not.

My life is sucked right out of me every week day, because of the unknown and constant thinking. I leave back to my home and I am dead tired, that sitting on the computer to do anything, even play games, is torturous. It’s like I despise computers, but in the back of my head I adore technology. I hate my self in being in such a predicament.

When will anything change?

I noticed one thing though, that companies will call you none stop to get your money. Why don’t they give me money? Oh, technology, a girl, educated, thinks for herself? No, not on their agenda.

I come to work and half my co-workers don’t even talk to me or say hello. They are beyond ridiculous and I don’t recommend them ever being part of the team. I am partly to blame because I am a total b$^^#% that doesn’t like anyone crossing her boundaries. I am not stupid or inexperienced. To others they hate me for putting my self on top. Where else can I situate my self? It’s unbearale being around two-faced people. Just pathetic.

If I had one dream what would I do? Be a super hero and help others. Then they can call me your highness because I earned that title! Or maybe just not have to work for anyone. I think that is more of a realistic dream.

Dear LinkedIn.. I know you added a feature for individuals to hide their identity, but some of us want to know who the heck is looking at our profile, especially when we are looking for work.

I am tired of seeing this. Every 2 or 3 people that saw my profile, an anonymous member creeps up!

Remove the !@#!$6@#$%@#% feature!

When I am sitting alone listening to music, I want my brain to also be at that stage of silence. I don’t want to think, analyse situations, and just tell my conscious to shut the friggen up.

That’s my problem. I sit for hours in silence because I am thinking of a solution. That’s the nature of my job. With the thinking comes what-ifs scenarios. Oh those scenarios! I wish sometimes that I didn’t day-dream or hope for anything in my future. Let me live my life day by day and let things be.

I wish it was that easy, and this fridged weather is not making it easier. Brr!!