I am at work early just so I can have few minutes of peace and quiet to write in this blog.

My niece who is almost 3 years old and speaks Arabic in a Palestinian dialect better than my sister and I combined!

When we went to Toronto to pick her mom and my niece up, when she saw me, she said, “MONA!” She still remembers me because it is very easy for her to say my name. My name is one of the easiest to pronounce!

At home, she cannot sit still. She is always asking “shu hay?” (What is this?) Or “Nroo7 barrah!” (Let’s go outside!) Or “Sukhon!” (Hot item!) Or “Ween XXX?” (Where is xxxx?) Or “Kharbany!!” (It is broken) … then she tries to turn it on (whatever it is) and says, “Zabtet!!” (Fixed!)

So yah.. it seems her parents taught her that everything is broken and that’s why she cannot touch it, because there is no hope to turn it on (toy, anything that moves, or lights.)

Otherwise, everything else is good. My brother just drives me insane, and when I am driving, he won’t shut up and keeps giving me instructions like no tomorrow. I just gave up on him and told him to drive my car and leave me alone. I rather be in the passenger seat instead. Jeez! Why can’t other drivers let someone else drive for them? I do!!

Anyways, I need to now go back to my daily routine of coding and coding, and oh, more coding.

Life of the Rebellious Girl.. all about complaining and coding!! See what happens when we sit behind the computer screen all day?

Blah Blah, Funny, Palestine, Random Thoughts, They said what?, Whatever!

I am disappointed that Brazil lost.

I am no longer going to watch the world cup. I will go back to the same old routine of blogging a bit more often and answering people.

So how is everyone doing? Good I hope! I am same old same old. Nothing new or exciting. My brother is here now, and we will go to Toronto on Sunday to pick up his wife and daughter from the airport. They were in Lebanon for the month. So yaaay!! A CHILD in the house!!

Hair sticking out form the fear!

Also, now I am wearing contacts. The pain and struggle to put those suckers in. On my right eye it takes a second, but on my left eye, dear Lord the struggle. So after days of struggling. I figured out that to put the contact in my left eye, I have to use my left hand. And to put the contact in my right eye, I have to use my right hand. Why wasn’t there a manual for these stupid things!

By the way, I can see better and I don’t need to spell check!! However, grammar will always be a struggle for me. You know, being an immigrant and all. “Me no speak English.. !” 

So that’s is the 411 on my life so far. I am almost done my course. 2 down, 5 more to go and I will be get my PMP. Maybe then I will reach higher ranks in life!!

Blah Blah, Depressed, Random Thoughts, Ranting as usual!, They said what?, Whatever!

Why does my mother put up with such people?

I don’t like Arab women in this city. Especially Palestinian women who have many daughters, think that they are the most beautiful girls in the city, and are married and have 2 or 3 kids each already. So what does that have to do with me?

I am not ugly. I am a normal Arab girl. I am 29 and past expiry date for marriage age in the traditional Arab calendar years. So what is wrong with me? The longer I wait, then the more Arabs would call me old. So is marriage the only solution? So get married for the sake of marriage to avoid Arab continuous criticism of other people’s daughters? Or one should get married when they are ready and sure that this is the path they want to go?

I have nothing against marriage. I have something against Arab mentality and the way they perceive marriage. I have something against Arab families that want their sons to marry certain types of girls and if not, force the girl to be something she is not to fit in and follow their list of rules.

I am very stubborn, I don’t like to be told what to do or how to act. I have suffered from such mentality in the past. I cannot change who I am. I cannot be something I am not. Fakeness is not in my dictionary. I am a very quiet patient person. I like my space and live my life the way I want it. I go wherever I please and I don’t like to be told what to do, how to dress, how to act, and what to say.

I am not this typical Arab girl. I don’t like to wear this mask to please an entire culture.

I am not stupid either. I am highly educated, very articulate, independent, and I don’t need this guy by my side to complete my earthly presence. I think when things happen, they happen.

A few months ago, I may have had a bit of the blues trying to adjust my mentality to accept this quiet life. I used to feel sorry for my self that I cannot find someone to like me for who I am. It’s hard to find such a match, and me being the Mona that I am, I started blaming my self for not trying to fit in. However, one day I just quit caring. I convinced my self that there is no point of trying too hard. No point of living my life to pursue a guy. What is this? Is this a life to live?

If God has a better direction for me in this life, then I have to keep on going and stop worrying. I wish Arabs would stop giving a shit about other people’s daughters and focus on their own. Gossip and butting in to other people’s business is the air that Arab women breath.

Unfortunately for them, I breath the air God bestowed upon the masses. It’s way cleaner.

Blah Blah, Culture, They said what?, Whatever!

We hired the new guy finally this week, and he started on Monday. It turns out he is Pakistani, which I knew anyways. Worse comes to worse, he is not only Pakistani, but born in Saudi Arabia, and thinks he can speak Arabic well enough to talk to me. I didn’t tell him or will ever tell him that I was born there because I don’t want his conversations to end up with reminiscing his childhood and wasting my time remembering stuff I don’t want to remember.

Not only that, he continually tries to speak Arabic to me, and I refuse to talk back. Not only that, he speaks it wrong. Horrible grammar, no respect for feminine or masculine nouns, and thinks he can be buddy buddy with me. Even though I wrote his job description and had final say to hire him, but I am not a friendly person!

I am a pure evil person. I don’t care where anyone is from as long as they can do the job!

Not only that, he keeps talking to me non-stop, and then says words in Arabic that are of religious essence, but I don’t repeat them or even speak a word of Arabic at work or even want to, and then he tell me that I have to. I then do, and then he asks, “Are you Muslim?”

Here we go again, dejavu from my old job and hiring Muslim people that will criticize me for being a walking devil on earth.

May God help me and grow my patience. At least I can be bossy and I am slowly managing things the way that I want.

Oh, and this one lady today, DEAR LORD!, she pissed me off and all she does every single day is come up to me and complain about something. Then she bluntly told me to my face, “I know you don’t care how the software admin management system is supposed to work for me , but you have to do this and that.. blah blah.”

You know I got tired of her whining and complained to the bosses ASAP for such a false accusation.

Then she denied it and said, “Since when do I come to you with any problems or complaints?”

In my head I said, “You fucking bitch that has short term memory or lives in denial. That’s why we hired this guy because ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN!”

I don’t even have time to train him, he is taking over NOW! I don’t have time for this shit.

Angry, Blah Blah, They said what?, Whatever!

When days are crappy, and life is treating me badly, I turn to you.

I miss this blog. I miss the days that I spent writing once or twice a day, even 3 times a day my opinions about life. I miss the 3 or 4 am blog posts of ill thought posts that I found no regret in writing. I miss the days when I was bombarded with comments of people insulting me and telling me I am wrong. I miss the days when I receive emails from horny men providing me with their international numbers to call, but I never in my life have dialed out of the country.

I miss the days when I received stories from readers wanting my opinion or guidance with their problems. I miss the days that people sent me hate mail condemning me to the pits of hell for having such a “literally truthful” blog for the whole entire world to read.

The past few months have constrained my habitual writing. I feel that I am suffocating internally but I don’t know how to get it out. Is there really anything to discuss? I don’t know where to even begin. If I start writing how I feel, I will get the pessimistic readers telling me to shut up, and the optimistic readers telling me that life will be ok. Yet, will that help me?

I suffer from depression. I am not going to ever deny that. I take it lightly or I try to find ways around it. You can say I am an expert of putting that amazing big smile on my face, which I call the ultimate form of denial or facade, and just move on. That’s how I lived my entire life.

Now, as I am aging gracefully, I found out that everything that I have been thinking about in the past, and the bumpy life journey that I have been riding, is not worth the headache. The headache is caused by my uncontrollable drive to wanting more. And I know some of you will argue back, because some did in the past with me, saying that I should not bother and even have such a drive in life and just go with the flow. I call these people followers by the way and their entire life span amounts to nothing.

Anyways, I need to stop being mean, which I am. I am pretty selfish and careless and just put all my energy to focus. Focus is a big problem for me since my brain is all over the place all the time. So, I need to go back and focus on the main things in my life. Try to achieve the goals that I have set for my self, and stop caring about people.

People are the root of all problems, and vulnerable people like me get sucked into it faster than the speeding bullet.

By the way, for those people that have messaged me on Facebook and emailed me asking about my whereabouts, I know deep in your heart that you cannot sleep at night knowing I have not written anything for the day. Oh you, I wish we all lived in blog land, make our own beautiful world and live in peace.

P.S. Majority of Arabs piss me off. I just had to through that in it.

Confused, Depressed, Thank you, They said what?, Whatever!