Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

I know I was a bit dramatic in my previous post regarding Arab weddings, but I stand corrected by every word I have written. My mother went with my sister to a wedding the past weekend. I didn’t want to go for obvious reasons:

1. I didn’t want to see anyone from the past; hence, went to University with me.
2. The groom’s brother got married but totally hot. My style that will never happen.
3. I can’t stand weddings that are done to show off.
4. The groom doesn’t even live here anymore. He hasn’t for a few years. Hence, show off!

Anyways, my mother decided to talk about the wedding yesterday because I seemed to care.

My mother, “I knew everyone there.”

I said, “Nice.”

My mother, “The bride wasn’t pretty though.”

I said, “Huh? Why do you think that?”

My mother, “I don’t know how to describe it. She is not memorable. I can’t even remember how to describe her.”

Oh God!! Stereotypes! I didn’t want to hear that or care. She is a typical Arab! She wouldn’t say why, but she labeled her forever!

I want to start off the year by saying happy 2013. I don’t have a new year’s resolution this year. I want to say that last year was awful. Yes. I can say LAST year, and my God it is history.

Now, I want to discuss weddings. Arab weddings that make me cringe and utterly hate any celebration for that matter. I wanted to write about it a few days ago, but I was contemplating what I should say that will not come across to you as me being an evil bitch.

I have not been to any weddings, especially Arab weddings for the past 3 or 4 years. I don’t like celebrations either. New babies. Graduation parties. Anything that is defined as “happiness.” It is not personal to you. I am a person that is better off being alone and minding my own business than being envious of your happiness and thinking will I ever have my turn, if ever. So I avoid it all together and just live life peacefully.

I didn’t go to my University graduation a few years ago because I didn’t want to sit there for 3 hours! I just wanted them to give me the $40,000 piece of paper and define me as awesome, eh?

Let’s get back to weddings. Yes. Arabs. The last wedding I have been to has thrown me down to an abyss of hating going to one. I always ask my self, “Why her? Why all these people? Why an entire village here to celebrate this? Why only men dancing dabke (traditional Levantine dance)? Why are all the middle aged women gossiping? Why the non-married girls in the bathroom all night talking to each other?”

God, and I hate when they say, “3o2balek.” I think the reason I don’t go to these events so I don’t have to hear it. Probably behind my back they are talking about me for being old and no one wants me. I am being dramatic here, but shit like that does happen and I have been hearing them for years. I am no different in their eyes.

What makes me hate it more that my mom loves to go so she can see what everyone is wearing and married to, and if they have kids. Oh my God! Kill me now. My mom is like them! I can’t avoid the talk other than refusing to go. Oh, I also hate dressing up and my mom has to approve. Hello? Am I 10?

The worst part is that the bride or groom don’t know 97% of the people there. The people there were invited as a collective because they were a resident or have roots of the same village back home. One, two, ten, all of them. 300-800 people later and the air conditioner is spiked up full blast and the kitchen has been working over time to feed ungrateful people that assess every plate and how much it cost per person. Don’t get me started on the cost of such a night. I rather buy a brand new car or two!

I am only saying such things about weddings because I KNOW what they say after.

I have decided if I ever do get married, I will do it old school way. Sign a marriage paper at the mosque, and just leave and have a quiet life.

My mom will not be happy.

I want to start off this post with my utmost gratitude that this year is almost over. I have never experienced such emotional turns within one year as I did in 2012.

I know that you may think I am crazy, but I went to a Psychic expo in 2011, and one crazy dude said things will change, but doesn’t mean quickly. Who knew, crazy people understand each other? No?

I was going through my blog for the past year, and even I wouldn’t repost or read anything again. At times, I forgot that I had a blog and I couldn’t find words to articulate how I felt. Sometimes, I wanted to write something so controversial, that I knew exactly what to write, but I just didn’t.

I feel very disconnected from my culture, from my past, from people, from old friends, from haters, and I miss my old me. That doesn’t mean I will ever get back, but I want to define who I am in a positive way.

Yes. Positive. Think. Feel. Act. I do that. Maybe.

Maybe I should pick up a hobby for this year that is not reading. I read enough and I buy far too many digital books. Maybe I will join something or do something mundane like clean snow.

A Little Humour

2012 Movies Montage

2012 Music Video Mashup

Have you ever felt you’re not in the mood to do anything, because you keep believing that there is no point in doing so?

I have been trying to write out many feelings and stories on my blog, but I just hesitate and stop. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Where did my spark disappear to?

I don’t sleep much at all. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and I have strange dreams that constitues a lot of people and they are testing me. They are not testing me in programming or computers. The questions were clear to me and it was behaviour questions. I don’t know what it means and why. Maybe I have deep inner problems and struggles I have to face soon. Or, it was simply a dream.

I don’t know how to chanel my inner thoughts anymore. The lack of sleep is killing me.

Am I afraid of my blog, my words, my thoughts? I shouldn’t be and I need to stop thinking that way. I need to get back to the old me. Did I change? Or am I hiding what I am by a facade? Or, I don’t know who I am or was or what I should be?

I’m trying to be more Internet social. That’s my goal since I removed my old Twitter account and Faceook profile a while ago. Now, I am sort of back, but it’s a lot of work. I didn’t know that having a blog can be such hard work. I am losing my blogging energy, but I am trying to get it back.

Facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/officialrebelliousarabgirl
New Twitter Account: https://twitter.com/rebarabgirl

I decided today to brighten up my blog and try a new wider theme. It suits me, no? I was at work, and what did I do? You guessed it! I was working on my blog since I have a legal version of Adobe Photoshop.

I was looking through Arabs on Twitter today, and I discovererd a few things:

1. Some like to talk about wars and oppression in the middle east.
2. Some talk about ways of freedom by saying what is on their minds.
3. Some are famous Arabs and they are top notch in Twitter.
4. Some talk about themselves and want instant reaction from their friends.
5. They like to share music, and I am cool with that.
6. They talk like they were raised in the hood.

I think the Internet has changed drastically, and I need to get back to the swing of things.

Otherwise, I am happy that it is Friday. I love the snow as long as it’s not a storm. And I am more than happy that the year is almost over! I am psyched for 2013. I don’t know why, but it will be better, no?